Not K and I.
That boat has left the harbour and I have to say, even if I could go back and write one my contribution would probably only be that I be consulted on house altering renovations before they happen. I'm pretty sure K would add something about not opening the sliding doors with my feet but that really is a skill that would be a waste not to utilise....
Anyway, at the moment the prenuptial negotiations concern Meg.
No, she's not about to get married (although she is quite keen on marrying K but that's a whole other story...) it's my sister whose getting married.
And Meg is merely being honoured with an invite as a guest.
An invite she has so far yet to see the honour in.
To the point that she was most miffed when I told her that she was going as we have no intention of leaving our 7 year old home while we leave the country and anyway I've just bought her a non-refundable ticket.
Why is she so anti- wedding?
"I'm sick of weddings. I've been to too many. I'm not wearing a funny dress and I'm not carrying the dress. Or the flowers."
Meg has been to exactly two weddings, both were K's sisters (no apostrophe- that's two sisters not one sister two weddings) and both times she was involved in the ceremony. The first time she walked in front of the bride carrying the rings on a cushion and then on the return journey throwing rose petals. The second time she was supposed to be carrying half the train with Amy carrying the other half. Only she got embarrassed and tried to hold the dress up over her head which wasn't quite the look the bride was after (her modesty was well preserved by acres of petticoat but still...) Both times she was heavily bribed into the job by not one or two but all her female relatives and both times she ended up walking off the job. The rose petals were the cutest as she held up the procession so she could collect them all up again.
Both times she wore gorgeous little voofy dresses. Which I painstakingly hand sewed t-shirt material over all the inner seams as she is very anti anything scratchy.
And that's the big problem. We don't get dressed up a lot around here. The girls are almost always wearing stretch fabrics. I can't remember if Meg has ever worn a button through shirt... I think she did at her kinder graduation but I'm not sure if I succeeded in bribing her after all...
Having convinced her that she really doesn't have a choice about coming to Australia with us or not and shown her the resort we will be heading for (bribe number 1) she has laid down her terms and conditions of attendence:
*She will be attired in her bathers. Observing the ceremony from either the beach or the pool (she's flexible)
*She will not carry any flowers, dresses, confetti or even rings- unless she can wear them up the aisle- in fact she will not do anything that makes her stand out at all.
*She is willing to be swayed on the last part as long as she gets to "be the person who stands at the front and tells the people to kiss." When told you have to do a lot of training to get that job she pointed out she still has a few months to go.
*She may be willing to negotiate around to wearing a dress (over her bathers) if, and only if, she can choose the dress herself (no problem there) from the pink shop. Small problem. The pink shop is a two hour plane ride and then a two hour drive from the wedding venue. It's not going to happen...
It's a long and tiring negotiation process that's been held over many car rides so far and she's stubborn but then so am I so I'm feeling pretty confident my will will prevail- and we do still have a few months to go.
Which is good as we'll need those for when I break it to her that fake crocs do not count as sandals when it comes to wedding footwear....